I haven't said 'I'm busy' in a while

Six days to 40. And over the preceding 3640-something days, one phrase I've used probably more than any other is, "I'm busy".

"Busy" has carried various guises for me over the years.

At first it was the best word I could find to articulate why I didn't want to do something else.

Then it became the way I avoided having to deal with the emotional pressure of saying no to someone for no other reason than because I didn't want to.

(Believe it or not, you're allowed to do that. I genuinely didn't realise it was an option until depressingly deep into my thirties.)⁽¹⁾

Most recently, it was about the only response I had when anyone asked me how I was doing because my wheels were spinning so fast I really didn't know what else to say.

That's not to say I had much trajectory or momentum. In my experience over the last few years, feeling busy and making progress on things that really mattered to me were rarely in the same language family, never mind the same sentence.

It's not that I didn't get stuff done. It's just that the longevity and substance of what I did rarely matched the effort I put in.

Even at my most coastingy, I've always had a capacity for working really hard. Whether it's the ADD superpower of hyperfocus, my incessant drive to do things as perfectly as possible or the simple pleasure of working hard on something I love, I can lose the best part of a day absolutely nailing one specific thing, or making tiny bits of progress on 50 small things.

• Organise my desktop folders? DONE.
• Research a new app for note-taking? Check my tabs, I've got 'em by the hundreds (and seven exciting new browsers to test once I'm done with this).
• Get the transition effect on that button half way down the page just right? Tim Berners-Lee himself would've nodded appreciatively.
• Buy what I need to hang a new towel rail, start an application for a new bank card, cheerfully assist three people asking me for help and pick my boy up from play school? Pshh, easy.

Except, as you probably noticed, none of those produced anything much in the way of output that mattered.

This is not to say I haven't done things that mattered or delivered quality outcomes when required. But the arc of my last two decades has largely been doing things for other people and keeping myself frantically busy on whatever seemed the most urgent or interesting at the time.

To be clear, supporting other people effectively can be one of the most valuable ways to invest your life, and I'm not denigrating those who do so for a heartbeat.

But I was using staying busy and helping anyone at any time as an excuse to avoid figuring out what I really wanted, and sinking my energy into building that.

I don't think I've said "I'm busy" in about four months.

That four months also happens to be the time I've been working 9- to 12-hour days building a business I'm proud of, that harnesses what I do best and is shaped by the things I feel most strongly about.

My days are fuller than ever, but if you ask me how I'm doing now I'll typically launch into whatever I'm working on that is inspiring me the most, or — if we're close enough — say something along the lines of "wrecked but deeply fulfilled".

It's great not being busy. Even if that bloody towel rail still isn't up yet.